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BULLYING.

srd75 — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 03:44:21 CDT

BULLYING.
A child may indicate by signs or behaviour that he or she is being bullied. Children may,

Be unwilling to go to school or frightened of walking to or from school.
Begin doing poorly in their school work.
Come home hungry because their dinner money was taken.
Become withdrawn, start stammering, stop eating or distressed.
Attempt suicide.
Have nightmares.
Have unexplained bruises , cuts or scratches.
Ask for or begin stealing money to pay the bully.

These are only a few of the possible first signs.
BULLIES. Children can become bullies for many reasons. They,

Like the feeling of power.
Feel insecure, inadequate, humiliated.
Are scapegoats or bullied at home.
Don't fit in with other kids.
Feel no sense of accomplishment.

There are several other reasons.
IF YOUR CHILD IS A BULLY.
Remain calm.
Don’t bully or hit your child.
If the situation is not serious, give it time to sort itself out.
Talk to teachers, friends and others that may have information.
Set realistic guidelines and rules.
Don’t hesitate to get help.

There are several other ways that you can help.

This help information has been taken from a booklet produced by
KIDSCAPE titled,
“STOP BULLYING”. Free by contacting “Kidscape”, details below.
Telephone, (020) 7730 3300. or, www.kidscape.org.uk
Helpline for parents of bullied children, Monday-Friday, 10am-5pm, 0845 120 5204.

The booklet has several sections, “How parents can help”, “Suggestions for dealing with bullying”, “What ifs?” questions, “Suggestions for Teachers”, “Sample bully letter to parents", and “Breaking up bully gangs”, etc.

There are several free booklets, legal advice, and advice on counselling.

KIDSCAPE. 2 Grosvenor Gardens, London SW1W 0DH
Tel: (020) 7730 3300. Fax: (020) 7730 7081. www.kidscape.org.uk

More Help. KIDSCAPE HELPLINE FOR PARENTS OF BULLIED CHILDREN,
Mon-Fri, 10am-4pm, 0845 120 5204

Kidscape is sponsored by, HELPHIRE.

THIS SITE HAS NO CONNECTION WITH "KIDSCAPE" OR "HELPHIRE".

charlax

charlax — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:21:17 CST

There is no abstract available for this page revision.

Home

LifesProblems. — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 15:17:38 CDT

This place is to answer any question about any subject that you may feel unable to ask openly through embarrassment, or, when you do not have anyone to ask.

No subject is barred for discussion, but, please remember that there may be YOUNGER VISITORS to this place.

YOUR comments and replies are necessary for a fair reply to any question, and all points of view will be shown.

Please note in box to the left of your screen, "BROWSE FOR KEYWORDS" this may make your search easier.

Also at bottom right of your screen, "RECENT SITE ACTIVITY".

AM I GAY?.

LifesProblems. — Sat, 26 May 2007 08:58:06 CDT

It is not at all unusual that a young man should ask this question of himself as most young men are attracted to a male friend in early teen years, a type of hero worship due to their sporting prowess or some other ability that they may have.

We always wonder if we are the same size or shape as other boys and secretly wish to be able to compare, but most of us found this to be a hard question to ask.

You may have gone that little bit further and found out the answer for yourself, you may have had a sexual thrill at looking or touching, you may have had an erection and masturbated, this does not mean that you are gay.

This shows that you are a normal guy and doing what is normal but not spoken about, one of your life experiences.

The information below is taken from the website,http://www.avert.org/hsexu2.htm
Where a much fuller explanation can be found.

Am I gay?

Many people have feelings towards other people of the same sex, and wonder whether this means that they are gay. For many people these feelings can be very intense and alienating. Some people who are attracted to other people of the same sex are gay and go on to have sexual relationships with people of the same sex. But other people who have gay feelings find that these change over time and they become attracted to people of the opposite sex.

When do people know that they are gay?

There is no simple answer or standard answer to this question, as it varies from person to person. Generally it can be said that being gay is not something a person suddenly begins to consider, and it may not be something they can initially put a name to. Research published in 1996 showed how the young gay men interviewed had described a set of feelings which they gradually realised made them 'different' in some way, and a set of feelings they thought maybe every teenage boy has.
There is evidence that for some people homosexual experiences may well be part of a transitional or experimental phase in their youth. This is hardly surprising given that adolescence is a period of change in which many people find who they are and what they want for themselves in adult life. This kind of behaviour is perfectly normal.

Are you born gay? What causes people to be gay?

There is no simple answer to the question, 'Are some people born lesbian or gay?' There are some theories which stress biological differences between heterosexual and homosexual adults, suggesting that people are born with their sexuality already determined.
. At the moment it is generally thought that biological explanations of sexuality are insufficient to explain the diversity of human sexuality.
What is clear is that people's behaviour is influenced by their family environment, their experiences and their sense of themselves. Beliefs about sex are initially shaped by family values. Later on these beliefs may be shaped by pleasant and unpleasant experiences of sex and also shape their choice of activities and partners. Throughout their life a person's sense of who and what they are has a strong impact on their sexual development and experience.

Can you stop being gay?

There is now growing general support for the belief that sexuality is pre-determined and may change over time, or remain fixed. However, many people are interested in whether sexuality can be altered solely by a person's desire to change. Organisations that help homosexuals attempt to change their sexuality can be generally divided between those that use psychological 'reparative' methods and those that use religious 'healing' methods.
Some people believe homosexuality is an illness and believe it can and should be cured. Many of these 'cures' revolve around psychological therapies (often called reparative therapy) which endeavour to re-orient a homosexual sexuality to heterosexual. Although there is little scientific data to evaluate, what is available seems to indicate that reparative therapy is ineffective.

There are several websites that will be very helpful in answering this question,

http://www.avert.org/hsexu2.htm
http://www.puberty101.com/p_amigay.shtml (A question & answer site)
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealth/feature/amigay.htm

SELF-HARM.

LifesProblems. — Wed, 23 May 2007 10:02:09 CDT

SELF-HARM.

Self-harm is a way of dealing with very strong emotions. For some people it gives the relief that crying may provide for the rest of us.
Some self-harming people feel so angry and aggressive they can't control their emotions. They become afraid that they may hurt someone, so they turn their aggression inwards to get relief.
People who self-harm are often labelled as 'attention seeking'. However, a person who self-harms may believe this is the only way to communicate their distress, and self-harm can be a hidden problem that goes on for years.
This spiral can lead to permanent injury and serious infections.

Types of self-harm

The most common forms are cutting the arms, hands and legs, and less commonly the face, abdomen, breasts and even genitals. Some people burn or scald themselves, others inflict blows on their bodies, or bang themselves against something.
Other forms of self-harm include scratching, picking, biting, scraping and occasionally inserting sharp objects under the skin or into body orifices, and swallowing sharp objects or harmful substances.
Common forms of self-injury that rarely reach medical attention include people pulling out their own hair and eyelashes, and scrubbing themselves so hard they break the skin (sometimes using cleaners such as bleach).
This spiral can lead to permanent injury and serious infections.

How common is it?

About ten per cent of admissions to UK medical wards are as a result of self-harm. Women are at the most risk of self-harming between the ages of 15 and 19; men, between 20 and 24. Women have higher rates of self-harm than men.

Methods of self-harm vary, but the majority of hospital admissions are for drug overdoses - only five to 15 per cent are caused by cutting.

These figures probably hide another group of people who regularly self-harm to relieve stress. These people have usually found ways to keep their problem hidden and, when they do harm themselves badly enough to need treatment, will often have a story prepared, or will not seek help at all. The result can be permanent disfigurement or a serious infection.

You're not alone

If you self-harm as a way of coping with stressful or difficult feelings, such as anger, frustration or worthlessness, the important thing to realise is that you're not alone. Many people do this and come through it. There is help out there.

The kind of personal exploration needed to resolve these issues is often best done with a mental health professional or counsellor. But this doesn't mean that people who self-harm can't take some control of their situation.

There are a number of techniques that can reduce the risk of serious injury or minimise the harm caused by self-inflicted injury. This list is not exhaustive - different people find different things useful in various situations. So if one doesn't work, try another.

stop and try to work out what would have to change to make you no longer feel like hurting yourself
count down from ten (nine, eight, seven)
point out five things, one for each sense, in your surroundings to bring your attention on to the present
breathe slowly - in through the nose and out through the mouth.

THIS INFORMATION HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM THE WEBSITE

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/emotion_selfharm.shtml

ON THIS SITE MUCH MORE INFORMATION AND HELP CAN BE FOUND

SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

LifesProblems. — Wed, 23 May 2007 09:43:58 CDT

You have a legal right under the Sex Discrimination Act not to be sexually harassed whilst at work. This section explains your rights and lets you know what you can do if you think you are experiencing sexual harassment.
=========================================================

Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances:

The harasser can be anyone, such as a supervisor, a client, a co-worker, a teacher or professor, a student, a friend, or a stranger.

The victim does not have to be the person directly harassed but can be anyone who finds the behavior offensive and is affected by it.

While adverse effects on the victim are common, this does not have to be the case for the behavior to be unlawful.

The victim can be male or female. The harasser can be male or female.

The harasser does not have to be of the opposite sex.

The harasser may be completely unaware that his or her behavior is offensive or constitutes sexual harassment or may be completely unaware that his or her actions could be unlawful.

Types of harassment

This list below is based on categories defined by Dzeich (Dzeich et al,1990) and Truida Prekel, a South African management consultant.[11] There is usually more than one type of harassing behavior present (Boland 2002), so a single harasser will often fit more than one category. These are brief summations of each type. For a more in-depth discussion on patterns and types of harassment, see Sexual Harassers (Please note, these are not "legal" definitions; burdens of proof must comply with the guidelines described by the government.)
The Power-player Legally termed "quid pro quo" harassment, the harasser insists on sexual favors in exchange for benefits they can dispense because of their position in the hierarchy: getting or keeping a job, favorable grades, recommendations, credentials, projects, promotion, orders, and other types of opportunities.
The Mother/Father Figure (a.k.a. The Counselor-Helper) This harasser will try to create a mentor-like relationship with their target, all the while masking their sexual intentions with pretenses towards personal, professional, or academic attention. This is a common method of teachers who sexually harass students. (For a good example, see Naomi Wolf's article, The Silent Treatment )
One-of-the-Gang Often motivated by bravado or competition, or because the harasser(s) think it is funny (AAUW 2006), One-of-the-gang harassment occurs when groups of men or women embarrass others with lewd comments, physical evaluations, or other unwanted sexual attention. Harassers may act individually in order to belong or impress the others, or groups may gang up on a particular target. An extreme example is Tailhook '91 during which participants sexually abused seven men and 83 women as part of a three-day aviator convention.[12]
The Serial Harasser This type carefully builds up an image so that people would find it hard to believe they would do anyone any harm. They plan their approach carefully, and strike in private so that it is their word against that of the victim.
The Groper Whenever the opportunity presents itself, this harasser's eyes and hands begin to wander--in the elevator, when working late, at the office or department party. They like to insist on (usually begrudged) kisses or hugs. Called chikan in Japan, the problem is so pervasive there that men are increasingly being banned altogether from stores, restaurants, hotels, spas and even entertainment outlets, and women-only train cars have been created.[13][14]
The Opportunist The Opportunist uses physical settings and circumstances, or infrequently occurring opportunities, to mask premeditated or intentional sexual behavior towards a target. This will often involve changing the environment in order to minimize inhibitory effects of the workplace or school(e.g private meetings, one-on-one "instruction," field trips, conferences)
The Bully In this case, sexual harassment is used to punish the victim for some transgression, such as rejection of the harasser's interest or advances, or making the harasser feel insecure about themselves or their abilities. The Bully uses sexual harassment to put the victim in his or her "proper place."
The Confidante This type of harasser approaches the subordinate, or student, as an equal or a friend, sharing about their own life experiences and difficulties, inventing stories to win admiration and sympathy, and inviting the subordinate to share theirs so as to make them feel valued and trusted. Soon the relationship moves into an intimate domain from which the subordinate finds it difficult to separate.
The Situational Harasser Harassing behavior begins when the perpetrator endures a traumatic event, or begins to experience very stressful life situations, such as psychological or medical problems, marital problems, or divorce. The harassment will usually stop if the situation changes or the pressures are removed.
The Pest This is the stereotypical "won't take 'no' for an answer" harasser who persists in hounding a target for attention and dates even after persistent rejections. This behavior is usually misguided, with no malicious intent.
The Great Gallant This mostly verbal harassment involves excessive compliments and personal comments that focus on appearance and gender, and are out of place or embarrassing to the recipient. Such comments are sometimes accompanied by leering looks. The "catcalls" of a street harasser are one example of this.
The Intellectual Seducer Most often found in educational settings, this harasser will try to use their knowledge and skills as an avenue to gain access to a student, or information about a student, for sexual purposes. They may require students participate in exercises or "studies" that reveal information about their sexual experiences, preferences, and habits. They may use their skills, knowledge, and course content to impress a student as an avenue to harassing or seducing a student.
The Incompetent These are socially inept individuals who desire the attentions of their target, who does not reciprocate these feelings. They may display a sense of entitlement, believing their target should feel flattered by their attentions. When rejected, this type of harasser may use bullying methods as a form of revenge.
Stalking can also be a method of sexual harassment.

Retaliation and backlash

Retaliation and backlash against a victim are very common, particularly a complainant. Victims who speak out against sexual harassment are often labeled troublemakers who are on their own power trips, or who are looking for attention. Similar to cases of rape or sexual assault, the victim often becomes the accused, with their appearance, private life, and character likely to fall under intrusive scrutiny and attack. [18] They risk hostility and isolation from colleagues, supervisors, teachers, fellow students, and even friends. They may become the targets of mobbing or relational aggression.[19]
Women are not necessarily sympathetic to female complainants who have been sexually harassed. If the harasser was male, internalized sexism, and/or jealousy over the sexual attention towards the victim, may encourage some women to react with as much hostility towards the complainant as some male colleagues.[20] Fear of being targeted for harassment or retaliation themselves may also cause some women to respond with hostility.[21] For example, when Lois Jenson filed her lawsuit against Eveleth Taconite Co., the women placed a hangman's noose above her workplace, and shunned her both at work and in the community--many of these women later joined her suit.(Bingham et al 2002) Women may even project hostility onto the victim in order to bond with their male coworkers and build trust.[21]
Retaliation has occurred when a sexual harassment victim suffers a negative action as a result of the harassment. For example, a complainant be given poor evaluations or low grades, have their projects sabotaged, be denied work or academic opportunities, have their work hours cut back, and other actions against them which undermine their productivity, or their ability to advance at work or school. They may be suspended, asked to resign, or be fired from their jobs altogether. Moreover, a professor or employer accused of sexual harassment, or who is the colleague of a perpetrator, can use their power to see that a victim is never hired again, or never accepted to another school. Retaliation can even involve further sexual harassment, and also stalking and cyberstalking of the victim.

Effects of sexual harassment and the (often) accompanying retaliation:
Effects of sexual harassment can vary depending on the individual, and the severity and duration of the harassment. Often, sexual harassment incidents fall into the category of the "merely annoying." However, many situations can, and do, have life-altering effects particularly when they involve severe/chronic abuses, and/or retaliation against a victim who does not submit to the harassment, or who complains about it openly. Indeed, psychologists and social workers report that severe/chronic sexual harassment can have the same psychological effects as rape or sexual assault. (Koss, 1987) For example, in 1995, Judith Coflin committed suicide after chronic sexual harassment by her bosses and coworkers. (Her family was later awarded 6 million dollars in punitive and compensatory damages.) Backlash and victim-blaming can further aggravate the effects. Moreover, every year, sexual harassment costs hundreds of millions of dollars in lost educational and professional opportunities, mostly for girls and women. (Boland, 2002)

Common effects on the victims

Common professional, academic, financial, and social effects of sexual harassment:

Decreased work or school performance; increased absenteeism
Loss of job or career, loss of income
Having to drop courses, change academic plans, or leave school (loss of tuition)
Having one's personal life offered up for public scrutiny --the victim becomes the "accused," and his or her dress, lifestyle, and private life will often come under attack. (Note: this rarely occurs for the perpetrator.)
Being objectified and humiliated by scrutiny and gossip
Becoming publicly sexualized (i.e. groups of people "evaluate" the victim to establish if they are "worth" the sexual attention or the risk to the harasser's career)
Defamation of character and reputation
Loss of trust in environments similar to where the harassment occurred
Loss of trust in the types of people that occupy similar positions as the harasser or their colleagues
Extreme stress upon relationships with significant others, sometimes resulting in divorce; extreme stress on peer relationships, or relationships with colleagues
Weakening of support network, or being ostracized from professional or academic circles (friends, colleagues, or family may distance themselves from the victim, or shun them altogether)
Having to relocate to another city, another job, or another school
Loss of references/recommendations

Some of the psychological and health effects that can occur in someone who has been sexually harassed: depression, anxiety and/or panic attacks, sleeplessness and/or nightmares, shame and guilt, difficulty concentrating, headaches, fatigue or loss of motivation, stomach problems, eating disorders (weight loss or gain), feeling betrayed and/or violated, feeling angry or violent towards the perpetrator, feeling powerless or out of control, increased blood pressure, loss of confidence and self esteem, withdrawal and isolation, overall loss of trust in people, traumatic stress, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex post-traumatic stress disorder, suicidal thoughts or attempts, suicide.

THIS INFORMATION HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_harassment

Please visit this page for further details and information.

GLUCOSAMINE and CHONDROITIN supplements.

LifesProblems. — Wed, 23 May 2007 08:48:43 CDT

GLUCOSAMINE is found naturally in the body and is involved in producing cartilage, the firm cushions that pad the ends of bone in joints.

These pads become worn in peoplewho have OSTEOARTHRITIS and there is some scientific evidence that taking a supplement of 1500mg a day can help to preserve cartilage.

In some people it can also reduce ARTHRITIC pain as effectively as IBUPROFEN especially knee pain.

However the results of trials differ and some doctors are sceptical.

CHONDROITIN is also a natural substance that helps to give cartilage elasticity, so it can stretch when needed. Less research has been done on chondroitin but some studies show it to be beneficial for those with osteoarthritis in the hips and knees.

Most GLUCOSAMINE is extracted from shellfish, so it should be used with care in people who have shellfish allergy and it also contains sugar, so be careful if you are diabetic.

CHONDROITIN can have a slight blood-thinning action, so care should be taken by people on blood-thinning medications, such as aspirin or warfarin, or the herbal remedy gingo biloba.

However, in most people both substances are quite safe and side-effects are rare, though they can cause increased intestinal gas and loose stools.

Do be sure you buy a reliable brand and take enough.

DAILY DOSAGE.

GLUCOSAMINE...1500mg.
CHONDROITIN.....1200mg

This information was taken from an article by Doctor Rosemary Leonard and appeared in The Daily Express, May 22nd, 2007

DEPRESSION.

LifesProblems. — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:09:47 CDT

Depression becomes a problem when low mood dosn’t go away. It can go on and on and end up dominating our lives and we become increasingly depressed.
WHAT IS DEPRESSION?.
You may recognise some of these feelings,
Dislike or hate ourselves.
Think that we are useless or worthless.
Feel numb and empty.
Despair of things ever getting better.
Feel irritated with those around us.
Blame ourselves for all sorts of things and feel guilty.
Making even the smallest decisions seem impossible.
Appetite is affected.
Physical aches and pains.
Disrupted sleep patterns.
Smoke or drink more.
Thoughts of death and suicide.

The above are only some of the many symptoms.
UNDERSTANDING DEPRESSION.
There are various possible explanations of what causes depression. It is likely that the reasons for depression developing will vary from one person to another.
Sometimes the cause or trigger that sets of a depression will be obvious, for example, a bereavement, divorce or redundancy. Sometimes there may be no apparent reason.
People are affected to different degrees by depression. Some may be able to struggle on with their normal life in the face of a mild form of depression, although everything will require extra effort.
Depression can affect both men and women from childhood to old age, and from all walks of life.
Some of us will be overwhelmed by the feelings of hopelessness and despair, it can even seem as if the only way out is to kill ourselves.
GETTING HELP.
Often, trying to do things on your own is not enough, it may be helpful to talk things over with someone outside your immediate family and friends.
Your first contact should be with your family doctor for advice who may prescribe a course of antidepressant drugs, however, your doctor may wish to refer you to a psychiatrist, psychologist, counsellor or mental health team.
HELP YOURSELF, What you can do. People who are depressed sometimes withdraw from others and may then regard their growing isolation as a sign of their own worthlessness. Some things that may help,

Exercise, swimming or walking.
A hobby or enjoyable tasks around the house.
Give yourself a treat or do something that really interests you.
Act more confident than you really feel, even though it may feel false at first.
Set yourself a goal each day, start simple and work up.

There are several more self help ideas.
HELP BY PARTNERS AND FRIENDS.
Your role may be to encourage your friend or relative, this may take a lot of your time, but try to be patient. Someone who is depressed is already carrying a load of guilt, try not to criticise or blame them.

It is not easy to live with or be in regular contact with someone who is depressed and help them cope.
You will often feel helpless.
You may feel bewildered and resentful that this has happened to someone you care for.
You may feel annoyed with the person because you are at a loss as how to help.
This is a lot to bear on your own and you may need support and advice.
Talk to your doctor about your concerns.
Discuss your own feelings with relatives and friends.
You may want to make contact with a local support group for people in your situation.
THE FUTURE.
The help that you need is there for you. see below for some contacts, You will recover from depression.

Depression is often a painful and deeply distressing experience for those affected by it and for people close to them. Although at the time we can be completely overwhelmed by depression, we may come to see it later as a useful experience.

The information on this page has been taken from the booklet, “Talking about depression” published by, Health Scotland, www.healthscotland.com Edinburgh office, Woodburn House, Canaan Lane, Edinburgh. EH10 4SG.

Other topics in this series of free booklets are,
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
Anxiety.
Bereavement.
Eating Disorders.
Manic Depression.
Personality Disorders.
Phobias.
Post Natal Depression.
Schizophrenia.
Self Harm.
Stress.
You will find help from these useful places. www.thewellnessshop.co.uk
http://www.studentdepression.org/
http://glasgowsteps.com/
http://www.samaritans.org/
MIND. 0845 766 016 WWW.MIND.ORG.UK NHS24. 08454 24 24 24 WWW.NHS24.COM
Depression after bereavement. You may find that the non commercial website “Words Can Help” can assist you during the grieving period after bereavement. http://wordscanhelp.co.uk

Bereavement

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 15:14:19 CDT

There is no secret to the answer of losing someone, the problem is that the answer is the secret. And the answer is only secret, because we have never needed to ask the question up until now.

The loss of a loved one, even if you knew it was coming, causes grief and pain, and there is no answer to the feelings that you have, you must, and you will want to, live with these for a while, and the grief and feelings fade into the back of your mind.

It is at this point when the feelings that you now have are starting. Many, many little things, that without you realising, are building up within yourself.

Feelings of guilt and your probably have nothing to be guilty about. Feelings of blame, and you probably have nothing to blame yourself for, and believe me, we all have these feelings. Then there are words, words that you wish that you had said, words that you wish that you had not said, things that you wish you had and had not done. Each of these things are 'nagging' away at you. If that is how you are feeling, then Words Can Help can help you.

For those that truly believe in the after life, perhaps they get their peace of mind, I sincerely hope so.

But what about the rest of us.

If you read my story you may feel as i did, family, friends and even acquaintances said "I'm here if you want to talk". I am sure that they meant what they were saying, but I could not do it, maybe they were the wrong people to talk to, maybe it has to be someone that starts off as a stranger, maybe it has to be someone that is, or has been, through the same emotions.

You may feel as i did, family, friends and even acquaintances said "I'm here if you want to talk". I am sure that they meant what they were saying, but I could not do it, maybe they were the wrong people to talk to, maybe it has to be someone that starts off as a stranger, maybe it has to be someone that is, or has been, through the same emotions.

HIV/AIDS, What do you know?.

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 14:57:09 CDT

HIV, AIDS, What do you know?. True or False?

(1)...You can get HIV from sharing your coffee mug with someone infected with HIV?.

(2)...HIV only affects gay men?.

(3)...If you are under the age of consent you must have your parents permission to use condoms?

(4)...There is no cure for HIV?.

(5)...There are no specific symptoms for HIV?.

(6)...50% of people infected with HIV are women?.

(7)...Over 40 million people world wide are living with HIV?.

(8)...HIV is the virus that causes AIDS?.

(9)...HIV is mostly transmitted by heterosexual sex?.

(10)..SE Asia has the second most cases of HIV?.

The first three question have the answer FALSE.
The other seven are TRUE.

HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. This virus damages the immune system which leaves an individual open to infections, diseases and cancers they wouldn't normally get.

HIV is passed on by body fluids such as blood, semen, vaginal secretions including menstrual blood and breast milk.

By unprotected anal or vaginal sex with an HIV infected partner without a condom.
By sharing needles or syringes with someone who is infected with HIV.
From an HIV infected mother to her child in the womb or birth and during breastfeeding.

What can i do to minimise the risk of passing on HIV?.
USE A CONDOM or DON'T HAVE PENETRATIVE SEX.
STOP INJECTING DRUG USE.
GET TESTED.

This advice has been taken from a leaflet issued by, Milton Keynes Primary Care Trust,
NHS Health Promotion, www.hp-publication.nhs.uk
Advice and information.
National AIDS Helpline..................0800 567123
Terrence Higgins Trust.................0845 1221200
African AIDS Helpline...................0800 0967500
Sexwise...........................................0800 282930
www.projectinform.org
www.thewellproject.org
Factsheets CDC HIV/AIDS
Listing of HIV/AIDS fact sheets. ... Prevention of HIV/AIDS CDC's Role In HIV Prevention ... Contact Us Please click here to view contact information. ...www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts.htm - 56k - Cached - Similar pages

There are several items that may be of use, Google, HIV, AIDS information.

BE AWARE.

Do you cry?, Can you cry?, Should you cry?.

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:43:52 CDT

Crying is something that I have given a lot of thought too. What is crying?, tear drops running from your eyes that are caused by your feelings, that, to me, sums it up. So, the fact that a film or drama can bring that wetness to the eyes show that I have feelings, but, does the depth of my feelings show in the amount of my tears?.

There are two songs from the 50s, seldom heard nowadays, "I Believe" and "Answer Me", both by Frankie Laine that have the effect of bringing those tears, but, not when I hear the same songs by other singers, so, it isn't just the lyric, and, I don't particularly associate them with anything, so, where do the feelings come into it?.

Unlike the song "Bridge over Troubled Waters", again, only by "Simon and Garfunkel", and two hymns, "Abide with Me", and, "The Lords My Shepherd", that each have a special memory for me, but, again, it is only a wetness to the eyes.

I have never cried. I have never had unstoppable tears running down my face. Is there something wrong with me?.

My mother died when I was eight years old, I well remember my father telling me, I remember nothing about my life prior to this. It was many years later when my older sister died, still a young woman, I did not cry. I did not cry, with joy, at the birth of my sons, or, the death of my father, or, the death of my stepmother. I did not cry at the death of my wife.

Is real heart breaking crying necessary?. Does it show the depths of your feelings, pain, or, loss, or, are we only crying for ourselves?. I do remember hearing the words, "boys don't cry", but, I wish that I could.

Since writing this post I have also asked the question on the forum at the website, http://www.helium.com/smf/index.php With permission of the posters I copy part of their posts.
Paul-Allan Sovib."From personal experience of people who do not show emotion is due to something cognitive in their life. You say you cannot remember back past when your mother died. To an eight year old child that would have been devastating and from what you explain this is where your life stopped and restarted emotionally. Mate you have the ability to cry and show emotion but you yourself it would seem have stemmed the flow. Its not about balance its about not wanting to be hurt again, it is a defence mechanism, that is why you also find it hard to understand a God. You refuse to accept anything into your life that will hurt you ever again. You have heard of children who refuse to talk or cannot talk when they lose a parent tragically, well this is no differently need to revisit that time when it all happened to find out what went wrong, maybe through hypnosis will help. Then again your will is that strong and developed you may reject that and wont happen no matter how hard you try. I pray a window will open for you one day mate. But if it bothers you seek help. If not try praying even if you don't believe, I have seen that work.".Skryer One, "I talked to a doctor about the inability to cry. He said that some people do not cry because it has to do with emotional balance. Some people are just not affected enough to do so, but it doesn't mean their feelings are invalid. Just balanced. Some people's emotional barometer swings sharply and one side of the swing is crying. Apparently there are other means of emotional venting, that makes crying unnecessary. If I'm not mistaken, crying is instinctive, like laughing. You may not trigger this instinct which has little to do with emotion and more to do with reflex. You might not hold negative emotions in all other respects so when the trigger comes to cry, you don't have a reserve of emotion to vent.".http://www.helium.com/smf/index.php?topic=5553.0I have found the members of this website forum to be very prepared to give their personal views that often help.

Added by Anjelika100, posted via, http://www.gumtree.com/" Since I am the opposite, crying 'at the drop of the hat' as they say, I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE SOME THOUGHTS. To me, crying is the way to release the pressure of the emotions -ether happy or unhappy. Tears are like heart bursting open. This process ends with the wonderful sense of peace, of full acceptance of the situation. Similar process exists in nature - tears of Nature is the rain. The rain with thunder and lightning ends with the serene peace, very tangible-if you care to observe. As I grew older I realized that crying is accepted by our society as a weakness. So I consciously suppressed tears, and then after some period of 'abstinence' I noticed that this suppression builds a wall between my 'persona' and my inner psychic core. This wall does not allow things from outside to touch me deeply, and I felt like a zombie. Heartless. So I let myself cry again WHEN I feel like, because it keeps me in touch with what I REALLY feel, and not what I AM SUPPOSE to feel. Inability to cry from my point of view shows some kind of a block in the emotional body. It can be accessed through hypnosis".

What do YOU think?. Please add your comment or, e-mail me at, trevor.downer1@ntlworld.com and I will add your comment. It requires as many views as possible to make this Problems page helpful to all.

Travelling through the pain of bereavement.

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:40:52 CDT

TRAVELLING THROUGH THE PAIN OF BEREAVEMENT.

The loss of a loved one, a child, or, as in my loss, Sarah, my wife for forty years, is a pain that only those who experience bereavement can understand.

There are, of course, pills and potions that your medical doctor can prescribe, but these do nothing except on a temporary basis. The best thing that I did was to take up a pen and put down on paper my feelings, I promise you that it will help. The next best thing was to create a web site, and I hope that you will visit it. The site is non commercial, anonymous, and there is nothing to buy, you will find that you are not alone in your feelings of pain and despair, your feelings are natural and similar to many other bereaved persons.

My web site is neither "for" or "against" anything, and I have received several messages of thanks for the help that it gave to the visitors to the site, I am sure that, should you have a look and read "my story" it will help you.

The site is http://www.wordscanhelp.co.ukMy very best wishes go to you that you may soon find peace of mind, without forgetting, as you never forget.

Please read other posts on this site, and remember, it may be very helpful if leave a comment that may help someone else.

SEXUAL FEELINGS, after the loss of a loved one.

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:37:50 CDT

Sexual feelings after the loss of a loved one.

I will try to be honest. You are not dead, it was your partner that has now gone. You are still alive and so are your normal feelings and urges, it would be unusual if those feelings returned the following day, but, who is to say that would be wrong, there is no "laid down" time scale for any part of that period that follows the loss of a loved one, remember, I am trying to be honest, and, so must you to yourself.

This is not the question that we would, or could, ask to our friends and families, so, as in most case's, we keep it to ourselves, only to further confuse our minds. Lets try to talk about it on the privacy of a website where anonymity remains.

There is another item on this site that may help with making contacts, but, lets presume that you have met this person. You have got to know him/her, and you were happy with the comforting cuddles that you shared on meeting or leaving their company. The cuddles become more often and get a little tighter, their hands hold you a little tighter and your faces are closer.

Cheek to cheek is only an inch or two from lips to lips. now you feel different. Sexual feelings are aroused, and, you break away, because, you ask yourself, is this right?, am I being unfaithful?, is it too soon?. Good questions, and probably at the right time.

Nature has programmed our bodies to have sexual feelings for the continuance of life, so, it's doing its job, but, a sexual relationship is also a show of love, and, a pleasurable thing. Is it love, or, is it something else. There is no act that can bring you any closer to that other person . Is it the thought of simply being held, and, holding that is on your mind?, or, is it love?.

You, and, only you , can make your next decision. Your mind is already filled with the thoughts about, unfaithful/right/too soon, maybe that is also one of natures programs, Maybe this is a thinking time, and don't worry, you will make the right decision.

I haven't answered the question "How soon to have sex after loss of a loved one?", I can't answer the question. There isn't one simple answer to the question.

Please, if you have a view, let me know. YOUR view may help others. Use the comments or e-mail me at, trevor.downer1@ntlworld.com

Addition posted by "Skryer One" http://www.helium.com/smf/index.php?topic=5568.0Skryer One, posted this,"Intimacy starts out side the bedroom, and sometimes it ends up there. Is anything done for true and pure, well intentioned love bad? When I hear the word shame used in connection with another human, another child of God I want to howl at the moon and savage someone. Mankind made sex shameful. Your Bible says to not make much of material earthly things. Sex is one of those things, it is of the physical body. It has nothing to do with how spiritual , how kind or loving or compassionate you are. It has nothing to do with how moral you are. Is giving up breathing moral. No, it's suicide. It's a natural function that we will no longer need one day like breathing or eating. We live it behind because it is an EARTHLY matter that your own Bible said not to be concerned with, stop putting so much over importance on it for your own sake, sweetie. Let the heart of your spirit guide you, that's where God is. Ditch the shame. It interferes with your communication with your source. Sex is a natural progression of a romantic love. Humans require affection like they require air".The forum at http://www.helium.com/ is a place where you can ask, and get a variety of replies, to any question, "Religion & Spirituality" is an interesting forum.

STRESS, What is it?. Have you got it?.

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:33:07 CDT

Stress is part of our everyday life and some of the SYMPTOMS OF STRESS are,

Physical health problems, i.e., headaches, indigestion or a sore back.
Disturbed sleep patterns.
Appetite, loss of interest in food or over eating.
Diminished sex drive.
Difficulty in making decisions.
Use of drugs, alcohol or tobacco more than usual.
Emotional at the slightest upset.

There are several other possible symptoms.

CAUSES OF STRESS.

Problems with relationships.
Money worries.
Problems at work.
Worries about health problems.
Poor housing.
Coping with unemployment.
Feeling isolated or lonely.

There are several other possible causes.

WHO CAN YOU TURN TO FOR HELP.

Your family doctor who may prescribe a short course of medication or put you in touch with, a Counsellor or therapist.
Information and advice agencies, citizens advice, credit unions etc.
Self help groups.

These words have been taken from a booklet issued by, Health Education Board for Scotland http://www.hebs.com The booklet contains much more information and facts about stress and is free, in Scotland you can possibly collect a copy at your local health centre or hospital.

How long should you grieve?.

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:28:28 CDT

How long should you grieve?.

Sudden death of a loved one must be the greatest shock possible, but, the loss of a loved one, even though you have been given advance warning that this will be the outcome of an illness such as cancer, and feel prepared for the passing, will leave you with that journey that follows.

The pain of grieving. This is a journey that you will, and, must take. You will not be prepared for the thoughts that will enter your mind, you will not be prepared for your actions, you will not be prepared for grieving. You have never faced these problems before, you have never had to ask the questions, you have never had to seek the answers.

Trust this, your feelings and actions, that in the past were alien to you, are normal.( for a more detailed account of the problems and possible answers please visit the website, www.wordscanhelp.co.uk ).

But, how long should grieving last?.
There is no laid down period, we are all different, we all had different loved ones, we all have different memories, we all had different circumstances, so, we all have different periods of grieving.
This grief is just another part of your life. Life is made up of many parts. There was the part where you were a babe in arms, the toddler, the child, the teenager, the first love, the wedding, the children, the good times, the bad times, etc, etc, and all of these parts are now tucked away in your mind. You moved on, you closed the door on each part. At anytime, you, can open that door and relive that part.

Now, you are at another part, it is only another part, not the end, you still have life to live, and, even though you might not think it now, it is ahead of you.

This does not answer the question, how long?. The answer is personal to you, you will know when to move on. Young or old, you will meet someone, maybe for love, or, maybe just for company, and than, you will have to ask yourself a question, "Am I grieving for my lost loved one, or, for myself?".

Please note:, I am not a counsellor and my entries on this site are personal observations, I don't know if they are right or wrong, but, I do have my own experience of bereavement.

Your comments, observations, suggestions or questions are very welcome. Please leave a comment, or e-mail to, trevor.downer1@ntlworld.com

Contacts through "Personal Columns".

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:23:08 CDT

MAKING CONTACTS THROUGH PERSONAL CONTACT COLUMNS.

Making new contacts through newspaper personal contact columns.

This post was originally written as a help to those persons that had "moved on" after a grieving period, but, the suggestions will be suitable for all that have considered using them but are a little unsure.

Life goes on, and, in most circumstances, eventually you will start to think about a new relationship. There is no "time scale" for this to happen, but, most certainly it will.

One day, and it will have crept up on you very slowly, you will realise that you miss the personal contact that you had with your partner, that private touch as you passed each other, the quick kiss, that cuddle, those parts of life that are so small, but, mean so much. For her, it's not the hug that she gets from her girlfriends, for him, it's not the touch on the shoulder from his mates, it's the next, natural step.

Where is that person?. Once again, as with many questions that we have to ask ourselves in our new situation, the answer is out there, but, we have not had to ask the question for a long time.

Since your bereavement you will probably be "out of touch" with social events, you possibly refused many invitations, either because, you felt that it was too soon, or, because you always felt "the odd one out", and, who wants to come home to an empty house?. If you are a she, the wives didn't encourage you close to their husbands, and, if you are a he, the husbands don't want you close to their wives. I am being honest.

O.K., so it's single persons of about your age group. Don't laugh, and you probably have in the past, Personal Contact Columns in your local area newspaper.

Do you remember when you and your partner, in the past, read them together and laughed?. I do. There are some basic rules.

Be in charge, don't reply to an advert, be the advertiser. Never use your surname, or your full address, and, always give a mobile phone number, never your land-line. Give the honest facts, your age, likes and dislikes, the area that you live in, height and shape, this information is enough for any reader to need in the first instance, and should they be interested, they will leave a message that you can listen to when you wish. You can play the message several times and this may help you to get an impression of that person.

The "voice" will leave a contact number, should you wish to do so, or, can be deleted. If you choose to make contact with one, or more, of the "voices", do so from your mobile phone, if you are still nervous, buy a phonecard and use that as a temporary phone number, the first call is a nerve racking experience for many, it needn't be.

Your first words will be, along the lines of, "Hello, is that ( his or her first name ) you replied to my ad in the " newspaper" ), and your started.

At this point you must still keep personal details private, have some questions written down, "do you smoke", "do you like a drink", "are you divorced/widow/widower", "what type of entertainment do you like"..Don't talk for too long, if you like what you hear, arrange another call a few days later.

You may have this call with two or three of those that made contact with you, WARNING, remember to keep notes, on a separate piece of paper, for each name. Now is your thinking time, maybe 3 or 4 calls over the next couple of weeks, and then you decide to meet.

RULES, a public place in a busy area, Saturday, 3 o/clock in the afternoon in the local Costa coffee shop, tell a friend, and ask them to call you on your mobile at 3.30pm to check that all is o.k., don't worry, they will possibly do the same thing. You are on your way, this may be your only meeting with them, enjoy their company for an hour, tell them that you are possibly going to meet others, don't agree to anything until you have had time to think, you have each others phone numbers.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

If YOU have anything that you could offer in the way of advice please do so using the comments or, by e-mail to, trevor.downer1@ntlworld.com

Thanks.

Welcome to all visitors.

LifesProblems. — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:16:00 CDT

TO ALL VISITORS TO THIS PLACE.

At this place I hope to be able to give the answers, ideas, or, options, that may help those who have the question, but, maybe through embarrassment, or, because they feel unable to ask people that they know, find hard to ask.

This is a new site, and at present, each item that you read below is a personal answer, and, may not be the correct answer, I hope that, over time, other views, and that means, YOURS, will be posted.

To make this place suitable for all visitors, of all age groups, and to be able to give answers to all types of questions, it requires your input, and that would be very much appreciated.

Please contact me by using the "leave a comment" below this post, or direct by e-mail, trevor.downer1@ntlworld.com with, either, your anonymous question, or, your answer to an unasked question, or, any suggestions, ideas, or, comments, that you may have.

Thanks. Trevor.